You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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