4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
