i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
