the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
