Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
