I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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