He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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