I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize