dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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