Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
