Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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