please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
