The maid of honor just puked.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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