i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
