Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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