I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize