she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
