I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
