I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
