i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize