Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
