My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
