Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
