I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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