she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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