i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
