Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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