how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
