my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
No subtext here. People are naked.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
