dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
