I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
