dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
