Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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