C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
try to milk me bitch
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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