Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
