Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
