Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
