Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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