Buhtt sex?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
