this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
