Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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