you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
