you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
