babies were throwing up all over the place
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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