I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How does it feel to date your dad?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
