I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
