they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
