I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Randomize
