Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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