I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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