lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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