I am puke
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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