lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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