I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
