I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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