you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
