How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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