I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Did I show you my penis last night?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
