you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
