I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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