I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
