oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
