Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
