She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
