im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize